सोंग व्रितिंग एंड इदेंतित्य

well i am finally settled into the fair city of berlin, if it could be called that. a hub of creativity, history, paradoxes etc. as it is known for, however, in the city itself it sometimes seems more like the city of eternal breakfasts, canal side walks with beer in hand, roof top conversations and bike rides. don't get me wrong, it is wonderful, but if you are at all creatively inclined and also have a tendency to procrastinate, this can prove fairly painful. it is simply very hard to get anything done sometimes when there are so many constant - and cheap - distractions. cheap beer, cheap bars, wonderful bike paths, delicious food, perfect friends.

and yet i am blaming my lack of output on this wonderful place, when i should really blame myself. at times i am incredibly motivated, and write 3 songs in a row, then record and mix them. other times i can spend 3 days in a row just hanging out. the one thing that stays consistent is that i go to bed late and i wake up late, and when i wake up i have at least 2 very strong cups of coffee.

i am inspired, motivated, and a lot of times i do get the job done, but i would say the hardest thing about being a songwriter and a musician is to find a good balance; between obsessive, working through the night, lonely, drunk, creative sessions and a more healthy, regular, fulfilling lifestyle. i do play tennis twice a week, i do climb up 5 flights of stairs 3 times daily to my apartment, i do ride everywhere. but then when i come home to my apartment and i am alone in my room, the weirdness starts to set in. i have my musical instruments, both acoustic and electronic, and i write these songs that exist in my head, hoping that someone, somewhere in the outside world will make sense or feel what i am saying.

luckily for me i have a musical partner, tammy, and the insecurity of writing such weird, sad songs is definitely numbed by having a participating team member, in some ways it actually encourages it.

so the point of this post? i am in some awkard way trying to express the mind set, motivation and frustration that goes through the mind of a songwriter. it is so beautiful when you are watching someone perform, and a song just hits you, you think in some way that this piece of work was magically delivered to the performer with ease and fluency. the actual truth of the matter is that sometimes this is the case, but more often than not (for me, anyway), this delivery is usually at the tail end of a period of days filled with procrastinating, anxiety, pacing, thinking, drinking, hating and loving. i wouldn't trade it for a second, and when you do "deliver" a song that seems to transcend all this stress, your belief is restored in the process, but until that happens it can seem like life is a chaotic, senseless, lonely mess.

but, yes, in spite of all this, i would not trade it in for a second. what a wonderful life!!

xoxo